Canterbury Tales for Teens

Okay, since I'd rather not be cleaning my house right now, try this on for size. In the spirit of my last post, here's a little exercise in dumbing down the world's great literature. I call it, The Canterbury Tales for Teens. For those of you not familiar with the prologue to Chaucer's great work (which begs the question 'why on earth are you prowling history blogs??'), here you are. I have represented it in Original and Teen formats.

Whan that Aprille with his shores sote
The droghte of Marche hath perced to the rote,
And bathed every veyne in swich licour,
Of which vertu engendred is the flour;
Whan Zephirus eek with his swete breeth
Inspired hath in every holt and heeth
The tendre croppes, and the yonge sonne
Hath in the Ram his halfe cours y-ronne
And smale fowles maken melodye,
That slepen al the night with open ye,
(So priketh hem nature in hir corages):
Than longen folk to goon on pilgrimages
(And palmers for to seken straunge strondes)
To ferne halwes, couthe in sondry londes;
And specially from every shires ende
Of Engelonde, to Caunterbury they wende,
The holy blisful martir for to seke,
That hem hath holpen, whan that they were seke.

Okay, the Teen version, translated by Bringoutyourdead:

Like, in springtime stuff grows n crap
Birds n stuff wake up
N people start kickin it all over England (which is, like, this country really far away where they drive on the wrong side of the frikkin' road and omg my sister met this way hot guy from England once or was it Ireland i don't remember but it was 'somethin'land and i remember he was wicked hot n we couldn't understand him n we said what language is that n he said english n we said IS NOT!)
N so the Englandpeople wanna go C this dead guy's grave
Cuz he did somethin cool
Whatever.

In my medieval studies career, I need to seriously consider translating incunabula into 'Teenish'. It's an untapped gold mine in the middle school sector.